Musings

Six Better Alternatives to be President than Donald Trump

Sure, the White House is falling apart, immigrants are being banned, Blac Chyna gets to be a Kardashian, and Ashton Kutcher isn’t popping out of anywhere telling us that America has been massively “Punk’d!”

This makes it hard for us not to reflect back and wonder how this all happened? How did someone with a brain almost as small as his balls (literally and metaphorically) get elected to lead the most powerful nation in the world. Couldn’t there have been other better alternatives for president?! We came up with six.

1. Lex Luther 
Just like the Orange Troll (excuse our pronunciation of Donald Trump- we’re Hispanic!), Lex Luther’s claim to fame and power came from money. However, unlike Trump, he is considered one of the most intelligent people in the world. And despite wanting to take over said world, at least under his reign, no one is excluded! Plus, let’s face it, the baldie is easy on the eyes. Wouldn’t you rather bow down to him?
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2. The Ghost of Joan Rivers 
Sweet dreams are definitely made of this, and this is Joan Rivers running the country, or in this case, her ghost. Imagine her spontaneously roasting members of the UN during a meeting or critiquing the Chancellor of Germany’s sense of style. With Joan in the White House, everyone can be assured that she will keep it 100% real. No one has to worry about what can possibly happen, because Joan will say, “Honey, sit down, pour yourself a drink, and I will tell you!” Under her presidency, taking yourself too seriously might be made illegal, but flipping the birdy will never go out of style.
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3. Half an Onion 
Contemplative, quiet, well-composed and confident, Half an Onion is everything that Trump is not. And you can follow it on Twitter, here!
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4. Chef 
If you want a president who will stand by and support the children of America, then why not elect someone who has dedicated his entire life to empowering and advocating for kids? Chef devoted himself to help, guide and share wisdom with the children of South Park, and all he ever asked for in return was that they leave him alone when a female companion was present. When has Trump ever shown that kind of selflessness?!
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5. Coconut Oil 
C’mon! What better fit for president than the only thing in this world that’s sole purpose is to make everything better. If you can use it for softer hair and skin, to add taste to foods, and to even help nourish wounds, you can slob it all over the White House and the individuals inside and, surely, something much better must happen than what is currently going on.
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6. Hillary Clinton 
Last but never least, a better alternative to Donald Trump would be the person who was suppose to be president to begin with.
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